Hot Dog Appreciation Day: Every Great Artist Has a Van Period

Welcome, 🌭s, to your day of appreciation. We’re awesome. We know that. We know it so hard that we’re the only people on each other’s Freebie List. But this isn’t about us. This is about you. Did you know you’re awesome? Because you are. We have proof!

First let’s check in on Sissyneck Corner, where a salad is just a burger that a seagull stole the bun from. Lydia’s article about man-scams unlocked something in his brain:

Robert Loggia in Celebrity Guide to Wine unlocked something in his heart:

And Lydia’s Y2K piece unlocked the safe in his K-Mart bunker:

Now let’s move on to the Comments …

One of the community answers from Brockway’s WikiHow to Live in a Haunted House encouraged an idiot to get therapy rather than look up ghostbusting on crowdsourced advice sites. Brian Seiler thought that was beautiful…

Chris Hendrix started off with Jerkin’ the Jawa and then foolishly thought he could beat it…

Lydia writes a lot about Fabio for somebody who is suspiciously not Fabio. We’ve never seen them on the same horse at the same time, that’s all we’re saying. That’s the unreasonable conclusion we jumped to. Darth itHead jumped to a different one…

Looks like Lydia inspired the most Hot Doggery this month! Her article on How Not to Look Old prompted FancyShark to start his own swiftly-banned Etsy store…

Seanbaby’s Ricky Goes To Church had a hidden agenda, and Michael Herman spotted it immediately.

Steven Seagal once again barged onto the site and into our hearts the only way he knows how: Unwelcomely.

There is a collective pool of knowledge that most Hot Doggers share. Matt Edwards took it for granted that everyone knows what’s floating around in that pool…

Now on to the brand new Van Section!

A section that will surely stand the test of time, it’s all about vans! This bit will live forever, just like us!

As a refresher: The van period of the site started when Mo got sick of people arguing and decided it would be a lot cooler if they just talked about custom vans instead. He was the rightest person who ever lived. We held a whole van contest just to prove it!

Jeff Orasky definitely guessed the twist ending of this season of Hot Dog Vans, but you’ll all forget about it by the time PoxCo National Van Fights rolls around.

Martin Totland wanted to remind us that appreciating sweet vans has a cost, and he was more than happy to pay it.

Van King Haraka is the King of Vans for one reason and one reason only: He can spot a van trap a mile away. There are so many!

Mo knows what van culture is really about: Luring women with luxurious shag interiors and then desperately trying to scrub DNA from luxurious shag interiors.

Next it’s time for Weekend Updape with Gellaho! Let’s introduce ourselves (no eye contact, butt elevated in submission) to the new apes Gellaho wrangled for us this month!

Slash Ape is here to shred, both guitars and our flesh!

Wanted Ape is every ape, on a long enough timeline.

DJ Ape beats their chest and then drops those beats you can feel in your chest.

Steele Ape is a powerful fusion: Half man, half ape, half robot… all ape.

While Lego Ape officially brings Gellaho’s ape curation beyond a hobby and into an unpaid profession. You are an Ape Intern looking for an employer, Gellaho.

Now on to the Discord …

Gellaho wrote our new tagline.

If you can’t relate to Henry right now, then fuckin’ la dee da. Look at you. Look who’s the mayor of Shit Together Town. Population: You, I guess.

The 1900HOTDOG Discord isn’t just a community, it’s a lifesaving educational collective. Out there on the frontlines every day, spreading radical new battery storage suggestions.

Don Diebel has spent his entire life trying and failing to ensnare women, kind of like Elmer Fudd to that drag Bugs Bunny who changed so many things for us. J has a better way to put it…

Javo knows the real reason Scorpion keeps coming to our world: To steal our illegally low-paying jobs of back-breaking menial labor!

On our Ultimate Zombie thing podcast, Seanbaby, Brockway and David Bell used design-by-committee to dial in the best zombie story in history. This was in Seanbaby’s face, since he set out to prove that doing anything by-committee turns out disastrous. It’s already igniting the hearts and minds of Will Blacks anywhere, who made this VHS cover art for the best show you’ll never see.

You know you need that in higher resolution.

Will Black has clearly already been torn apart by his own artwork, he doesn’t need our artwork to do it a second time.

The winner of this month’s Hot Dog Appreciation Award is… Mo!

Mo, you brought us the best kind of love. The kind that takes place in the back of a van with a chick riding an eagle painted on it. You gain possession of what used to be a photo of Prince, though that can no longer be proven.

Some say the ghost of our last winner, Tommy G, still haunts this sentient murderous robotic painting, and that really ups the value for collectors. Collectors of haunted sentient murderous robotic paintings. Of which there is one: Mo!

You folks are, as always, the best. And if anyone ever questions that, you call us. We’ll shove them in the back of our van. It’s like that old van saying goes: “You see my shag, you’re never seen again.”

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